A 45-year old Napier woman called police yesterday morning after she noticed her precious marijuana plants had been stolen from her shed.

“I have had three marijuana plants stolen. They were in buckets,” the woman told a police communications officer, who couldn’t stop smiling as he listened to the crying woman lament over her beloved pot.

“I am a good person. I am sick of these low-lifes stealing my things,” she said, not realizing she was also referring to herself as a low-life.

The woman also told him it was the fourth year in a row that someone had snuck into her property at night and stolen her marijuana plants.

She later got a visit from a cop, who took the details of the burglary and warned her of the legal consequences if she continued growing weed.

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Jared Anderson, 20, of Wisconsin decided he just had to light his genitals on fire after seeing something similar in a movie.

He and Randell Peterson, 43, had been drinking and watching the movie when the brilliant idea came to Anderson.

“People that were there said that after he saw the movie he told people that he wanted to do this — light his genitals and he proceeded to enlist Mr. Peterson’s help in doing so,” Eau Claire County Assistant District Attorney Mike Steuer said on WEAU-TV.

What ensued led to Anderson being hospitalized with burns on his genitals and Peterson being incarcerated.

Peterson sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson’s genitals and attempted to light it on fire. When it didn’t work, Peterson tried a second time and Anderson’s genitals, hands, and clothing caught fire.

Anderson later filed a criminal complaint claiming that he hadn’t wanted to be lit on fire and was attacked.

I guess it’s also a bad idea for people to drink and watch TV.

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Captain America, the main character of the popular Marvel Entertainment comic book, has died in issue 25, which hit stands today.

And all across the world, comic book lovers mourn the loss of a true hero.

He had been leaving a courthouse when a sniper’s bullet struck him in the shoulder, and another in the stomach.

I guess he didn’t have his shield in front of him.

Captain America might still be alive today if he’d had super powers.

It’s surprising that none of his enemies came up with this idea in the 66 years he’s been saving the world..

Series writer Ed Brubaker, 40, told the New York Daily news that he wanted to explore what the hero meant to the country.

“What I found is that all the really hardcore left-wing fans want Cap to be standing out on and giving speeches on the street corner against the Bush administration and all the really right-wing (fans) all want him to be over in the streets of Baghdad, punching out Saddam,” Brubaker said.

Captain America Co-creator, Joe Simon, 93, was disappointed.

“It’s a hell of a time for him to go. We really need him now,” Simon said.

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Belgian antique dealer, Johan Dumon, 62, returned from vacation only to discover that a thief had robbed his home, broken into his store and held a two-day sale.

The store had been closed for three years and yet neighbors didn’t find the sale suspicious!

The thief sold items from Dumon’s home as well as antiques that were worth at least £17,000 (about $32717).

“I can only conclude the burglar was a clever man,” said Dumon. “Instead of dragging it all out of the house he sold it on the spot.”

He must not have been that clever. The witnesses were able to give his description to the police.

Attorney Goedele Van den Brande believes the man will be found soon, but the stolen goods might be impossible to recover since buyers can’t be forced to return them.

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A Welsh woman was arrested after faking her own death to avoid going to court over a speeding ticket.

Glenda Askew, 47, had received a notice from the police after driving 11 miles over the city speed limit in March 2006.

She ignored the notice until she received a summons to court.

According to Prosecutor Bryn Hurford, Askew then filled out the summons using her daughter’s name, Tracey Roberts, stating that her mother had died in a car accident and therefore couldn’t make it to court.

She should have know better.

The judge didn’t think she should be sent to prison so he sentenced her to 12 months of supervision.

I wonder how she’s going to try to get out of this one…

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Mrs. Xu, 46, of Wuhan city, Hubei province, has regularly washed clothes in the middle of the night while sleep-walking, for the past 10 years.

“She sleep-walks at least ten times a year, and each time does the same thing: wash clothes for the family,” her husband said.

“The next morning when she wakes up, she’ll praise me for doing so much.”

The husband even installed locks on their door to prevent Xu from leaving to wash neighbor’s clothes.

Of all things to do while sleep-walking, chores. At least it’s safe.

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Zhang, a 26-year-old overweight man from China’s Liaoning Province, died last weekend after playing online video games for several hours for seven straight days.

According to a doctor, Zhang died from overwork and obesity.

It occurred during the recent Spring Festival holiday and many people did similar things.

“I am a little scared after reading the story of Zhang, because I did almost the same thing like him,” resident Wang Rui said.

“I also played games for such a long time that I could hardly find time to sleep during the holiday,” he added.

I would have expected Zhang’s weight to have kept him alive but I guess his heart just couldn’t take it.

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A man walked into a service station in Palmerston North today with an iron bar demanding cash and cigarettes.

Midway through the theft, he realized he’d forgotten to pull his bandanna over his face and hurriedly did so.

It was too late though. He was captured by the security camera and police have released the footage.

“His method of operation suggests he is not security camera-savvy… or maybe has not committed a lot of offences of this nature,” a detective said.

If only all criminals were this dumb.

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According to Chinese media, a businessman posted an ad on the net today for a woman who is willing to pose as his mistress and get yelled at and beaten up by his wife.

The ad was posted on a popular online jobs forum, sina.com.

“When the woman found out her husband had a mistress, she insisted on beating her up,” the Beijing Youth Daily said.

The man wants a 35-year old woman originating from northeastern China and is willing to pay 3000 yuan ($505) per 10 minutes.

So far more than 10 people have applied. They must be really short on cash or masochistic.

The businessman’s the one that should be getting a beat-down not the mistress!

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Calum McFadyen, 35, was at home with his family when he tied his wedding ring to his four-year-old son’s balloon to see if he could weigh it down.

He got distracted by the TV and before he knew it, his son, Henry, opened the front door and waved goodbye to the balloon as it floated away with the ring still attached.

McFadyen said: “The ring has not been off my hand in years – I was just messing about with the kids. I guess it could be in France now!

“My wife wasn’t too impressed and told me it was a stupid thing to do. I tend to agree!

“I’ve been getting a ribbing from the people at work but I deserve it. Now I just want the ring back.”

HIs wife Vicky, 36, said: “This could only happen to my husband, he’s one of those people!”

He should have known better. Four-year-olds don’t know the value of a wedding ring.

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