Archive for the 'Stupid' Category

CAPE CORAL, Fla. (AP) - A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome, authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily Breeze of Cape Coral reported.

Gallo told the authorities she couldn’t wait in line due to irritable bowel syndrome.

She’s being charged with petit larceny and was released Sunday from jail on a $500 bond.

If she’s telling the truth about having IBS, why didn’t she just leave the items at the store?

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Parents of children at Sandridge Elementary School, Lynwood, Illinois got an unwanted surprise in the mail this past week.

They received a package that contained a DVD featuring principal, Leroy Coleman and science teacher, Janet Lofton in various sexual encounters.

Parent Kim Grivakis said, “I was stunned and I felt sick to my stomach. I want to see this sheet of paper that says [Coleman] was fired- to let them know [he'll] never teach another child.”

Police believe one of the encounters on the tape may have occurred during school hours and are reviewing it to check if illegal acts were committed.

Coleman and Lofton have now resigned, citing personal reasons.

I wonder who mailed the DVD. It was probably an act of revenge.

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Let’s say you parked your car, left to do whatever you needed to do, and came back only to see a strange couple steaming up the back seat. What would you do?
A. Watch in secret (cause you can’t say no to free porn)
B. Unlock the door and yell, “what the hell?”
C. Unlock the door and ask if you can join in.

If you didn’t choose B, you must be pretty twisted!

So here’s the story. Bernhard Stadlinger,24, parked his sister’s car next to an identical car.

He went to a disco, met a girl, took her to what he thought was the car and began to have sex in it.

Petra Eichinger,42, walks to the parking lot, sees her car being violated, and in outrage, calls the police.

I bet they thought it was a prank call.

The woman had locked her doors but Stadlinger’s key happened to work on both cars. What are the chances?

I can’t believe he had intended to make the beast with two backs in his sister’s car. That’s just not right.

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A British man has admitted to stealing shoes right off of women’s feet in public.

Omar Abd-el-Gowd, 26, who said he’d had a shoe fetish since he was 12, admitted to a total of eight robberies in London between December 2005 and November 2006.

He’s being charged with sexual assault by one of his victims, but has denied the allegations.

Gowd told a London jury that he had approached victims from behind, quickly lifted up one of their feet and ran off with one of their shoes. He claimed he barely recalled the details of the women he had attacked, but could completely remember their shoes.

Creepy.

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A Chinese man is divorcing his wife for pulling a prank that went too far.

Mr. Lin, of Shanghai, returned home on April 1st from a business trip to find a black object swinging in the air upon opening the front door.

He reached over and turned on the light only to discover that the black object was his wife, who had hanged herself.

The shocked man immediately called the police and the property officer. Office staff helped Lin bring the body down while they waited for the police.

“Suddenly, she sat up, started to laugh hysterically, and said this was my April Fool’s Day present,” Lin said angrily.

His wife, Han, a 26-year-old actress, played jokes on him all the time.

“I just try to surprise him everyday,” she said.

But for Lin, her fake suicide was the last straw.

“I feel as if I’m sitting on a bomb everyday. We’re getting divorced!

“I can’t stand the jokes and games anymore. She hides the dishes in the washing machine, or changes the lock on the door, so that I can only enter by giving the correct answer to some stupid questions, and so on.”

This woman sounds annoying. Whatever happened to surprising your man with sexy lingerie and the like?

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A Chinese woman was arrested after she cut off her husband’s manhood and threw it out the window.

Yao Fengfang had been jealous and upset because she suspected her husband, Li Gengbao, was having an affair.

She confronted him one night after he came home and threatened to ‘disable’ his manhood. Li didn’t believe she could do it, but around midnight, he woke up due to sharp pain in his crotch region.

He said: “My wife was holding a large part of my penis, and I pleaded with her to send me to hospital immediately, but she refused firmly, and when I pleaded with her to give me back the cut penis, she threw it out of the window.”

Li wrapped his wound with a pillow cover and managed to drive himself to Nanjing City First hospital.

The hospital began emergency surgery and sent staff to find what was left of Li’s manhood.

Unfortunately, the neighbor’s dog got to it first and ate it, so doctors couldn’t reattach Li’s manhood.

Yao ended up with a three-year suspended jail sentence after her husband asked the judge to be lenient. Li said he wanted his wife to keep her freedom so she could take care of him for the rest of his life.

Is this man nuts?

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Gay police officers in the Philippines have been told not to sway their hips while on duty, otherwise they would get fired.

“If they sway their hips while marching, or if they engage in lustful conduct, I think that will be a ground for separation. If they behave within the norm, I don’t think we’ll have a problem,” said Chief Supt Samuel Pagdilao, who claimed the force did not discriminate.

This sounds like a bad case of homophobia. As long as it’s not affecting their job performance, gay officers should be allowed to sway all they want.

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An eighth grade student at Wilson Middle School thought it’d be funny to put urine in his teacher’s coffee pot.

The teacher was fortunate that the boy’s urine smelled foul and reported the smelly coffee to the principal.

A student who had overhead classmates talking about the incident also reported it to officials.

The issue was investigated and authorities were led to check the eighth-grade boy’s locker where they discovered urine.

He admitted to putting some into the teacher’s coffee and has been suspended pending a recommendation for expulsion.

“This type of student behavior will not be tolerated,” Principal DiLynn Phelps and Superintendent Marlin B. Creasy wrote in a letter to parents. “No student will be permitted to deliberately attempt to cause bodily harm to any other student, teacher or staff member.”

I can’t believe the boy was dumb enough to leave urine in his locker. I guess he had other plans for it.

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Lang Qiang recently had surgery to reduce his protruding cheekbones because fortune-tellers had told him that because of them, his wife would die before him.

The 48-year old man of Chongqing city, said: “I believe it without any doubt. Misfortunes are always happening to my wife, while I have none.

“For example, every morning, we need to go downstairs to pick up the bottled milk. I’ve never had a problem, but my wife fell and fractured her legs going down the stairs.

“Another time I stood on a bench to hang a cloth. Then my wife stood on it, and the bench broke.”

There was no word as to whether his wife is a fatty.

“I always feel sorry for my wife and want to do something to make things up,” Lang said. “I told my wife I would go on a business trip for more than 10 days. I want to give her a surprise.”

I wonder how he’ll react when she continues to have bad luck…

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German belly dancer, Julia ‘Cleopatra’ Meyer, thought there was too much fat in her outer thighs. Instead of going on a diet and exercising, she went to a private clinic and told them what she wanted.

They must have confused thigh for butt because when she went into surgery, the plastic surgeon proceeded to suck out all the fat in her right butt.

“I had been unhappy with my saddlebags, the fat stored in the outer thigh area. Because of the local anaesthesia I did not realise what he was doing,” Meyer said.

“When I saw afterwards that half of my bum was missing I almost fainted. It had been completely sucked away.”

Meyer took it to court and let them know she could no longer perform her dances and was also too embarrassed to go to a swimming pool.

Meyer asked for £6,000 compensation but the judge didn’t think that was enough for her troubles. He ordered the absent-minded surgeon to pay her £12,000 (about $23,000).

When performing the liposuction, didn’t it occur to the surgeon that no one in their right mind would want a disproportionate backside? He should have at least sucked fat out of the other while he was at it.

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