October 18, 2017

Archives for April 2007

Shoplifter Blames Crime on Irritable Bowel Syndrome

CAPE CORAL, Fla. (AP) – A woman arrested for shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome, authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily Breeze of Cape Coral reported.

Gallo told the authorities she couldn’t wait in line due to irritable bowel syndrome.

She’s being charged with petit larceny and was released Sunday from jail on a $500 bond.

If she’s telling the truth about having IBS, why didn’t she just leave the items at the store?


Flammable Toilets Receive Free Repairs

Japan’s leading toilet manufacturer, Toto, is providing free repairs to 180,000 toilets after three reported incidents of its Z series catching fire.

“Fortunately nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries,” a company spokesman said.

“The fire would have been just under your buttocks.”

Toto builds high-tech toilets with built-in electric bidets, which caused the fires.

The versatile Z series also features a power dryer, a ‘tornado wash’ flush, a pulsating massage spray, and an automatic lid.

I don’t care if the repairs are free. If I owned one of these toilets, I would much rather buy a new one that has no electric accessory/chance of flaming my backside.


Principal & Teacher Resign Over Sex Tape

Parents of children at Sandridge Elementary School, Lynwood, Illinois got an unwanted surprise in the mail this past week.

They received a package that contained a DVD featuring principal, Leroy Coleman and science teacher, Janet Lofton in various sexual encounters.

Parent Kim Grivakis said, “I was stunned and I felt sick to my stomach. I want to see this sheet of paper that says [Coleman] was fired- to let them know [he’ll] never teach another child.”

Police believe one of the encounters on the tape may have occurred during school hours and are reviewing it to check if illegal acts were committed.

Coleman and Lofton have now resigned, citing personal reasons.

I wonder who mailed the DVD. It was probably an act of revenge.


German Couple Have Sex in Wrong Car

Let’s say you parked your car, left to do whatever you needed to do, and came back only to see a strange couple steaming up the back seat. What would you do?
A. Watch in secret (cause you can’t say no to free porn)
B. Unlock the door and yell, “what the hell?”
C. Unlock the door and ask if you can join in.

If you didn’t choose B, you must be pretty twisted!

So here’s the story. Bernhard Stadlinger,24, parked his sister’s car next to an identical car.

He went to a disco, met a girl, took her to what he thought was the car and began to have sex in it.

Petra Eichinger,42, walks to the parking lot, sees her car being violated, and in outrage, calls the police.

I bet they thought it was a prank call.

The woman had locked her doors but Stadlinger’s key happened to work on both cars. What are the chances?

I can’t believe he had intended to make the beast with two backs in his sister’s car. That’s just not right.


ATM Burglar Loses Leg Trying to Escape

Gregory Daniels, 48, was arrested Tuesday after he and an accomplice used a chain and a pickup truck to pull a 1,500-pound ATM machine from Pomona Ranch Market in California.

At around 3 a.m., Daniels and another man broke a window at the market, wrapped a chain around the machine, and used the truck to yank it out from its spot. The two men loaded the ATM into the truck and drove off.

Officers chased after them until they drove into a dead-end street in a residential neighborhood.

Daniel’s partner in crime managed to get away on foot but when Daniels tried to flee, his prosthetic leg fell off.

He fell to the ground and the police officers easily arrested him.

The irony here is that Daniels was stealing the ATM to afford a more dependable prosthetic leg…

I’m just kidding. 😉


Saudi Man Attacked Over Threat to Wed Third Wife

A Saudi man lost a bit of his nose in a joint assault by his two wives after he jokingly threatened to marry a third woman.

Judaie Ibn Salem had thought his threat would help resolve an argument over dividing up his house.

“I swore that I would do it because … they were impolite and that’s when I came under an even bigger attack,” Ibn Salem told Shams newspaper after having seven stitches inserted.

“I never realised they would get so worked up. But the only way to restore my dignity is really to take a third wife.

“I don’t know what I’m going to lose next if I do that.”

Islamic law allows men to take up to four wives and polygamy is not unusual in the conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the birthplace of Islam.

It’s pretty messed up that Islamic men can have many wifes and the women can only have one husband. I’m glad the women fought against the idea.

If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t go through with another marriage otherwise he could lose more than his dignity. There have been many incidents recently of women cutting or biting off a man’s member out of jealousy. He could be next.


School District Gets $250 Bill for Porn

School district officials at Union City, New Jersey were shocked when their February cable bill showed $250 worth of pay-per-view adult programs.

There are five cable boxes in the Board of Education building and one was used to order the porn after business hours. The films where priced at $4.95 to $9.95 per view.

So that means about 25 to 50 adult films had been watched that month.

The district’s cable provider, Cablevision gave them a full refund and is also helping with the investigation. Authorities have removed three of the five boxes. The other two are in the superintendent and assistant superintendent’s offices.

I’m guessing it was the janitor or a security guard. Or an employee who liked to work overtime in the name of free porn.


Pranksters Glue Doors Shut at California High School

Friday, a day before spring break, pranksters covered the locks on all the exterior gates and doors at Carlsbad High School with super-strength glue.

“A teacher who always gets there early called me on my cell phone and said, ‘Guess what?'” said Carlsbad High School principal Margaret Stanchi. “But I didn’t guess this.”

About 100 doors had been completely sealed before the first staff arrived at around 6:30 a.m. at the San Diego high school.

Custodial staff were able to quickly unseal the lock on a building with 27 classrooms. The rest of the 3000 students had to sit in the gym until their classrooms were unlocked, one by one.

The school had a survellance video but it proved useless and didn’t give any clues as to who dunnit.

Police are still investigating.

Nice prank. It must have taken a long time for the person(s) to do it though.


Washington Home Emptied After Craigslist Ad Gave the OK

A fake ad posted last weekend on Craigslist led to property being stripped off of a rental home in Tacoma, Washington.

“In the ad, it said come and take what you want. Everything is free,” Landlord Laurie Raye said.

She had cleaned out the house after evicting a tenant.

Not long after the ad appeared, neighbors saw strangers taking items away. They made off with a sink, light fixtures, the hot water heater, a vinyl window and the front door.

Raye said Craigslist told her they would need a subpoena or search warrant before they could release information about who posted the ad.

Police Detective Gretchen Ellis said: “We’ve had prostitution things happen, rental scams, fraudulent activity. In this case, it appeared the items were going to be given away, but they were not.”

I have a feeling the evicted tenant did it for revenge.


Man Admits to Stealing Shoes Off Women’s Feet

A British man has admitted to stealing shoes right off of women’s feet in public.

Omar Abd-el-Gowd, 26, who said he’d had a shoe fetish since he was 12, admitted to a total of eight robberies in London between December 2005 and November 2006.

He’s being charged with sexual assault by one of his victims, but has denied the allegations.

Gowd told a London jury that he had approached victims from behind, quickly lifted up one of their feet and ran off with one of their shoes. He claimed he barely recalled the details of the women he had attacked, but could completely remember their shoes.