Archive for March, 2007

German belly dancer, Julia ‘Cleopatra’ Meyer, thought there was too much fat in her outer thighs. Instead of going on a diet and exercising, she went to a private clinic and told them what she wanted.

They must have confused thigh for butt because when she went into surgery, the plastic surgeon proceeded to suck out all the fat in her right butt.

“I had been unhappy with my saddlebags, the fat stored in the outer thigh area. Because of the local anaesthesia I did not realise what he was doing,” Meyer said.

“When I saw afterwards that half of my bum was missing I almost fainted. It had been completely sucked away.”

Meyer took it to court and let them know she could no longer perform her dances and was also too embarrassed to go to a swimming pool.

Meyer asked for £6,000 compensation but the judge didn’t think that was enough for her troubles. He ordered the absent-minded surgeon to pay her £12,000 (about $23,000).

When performing the liposuction, didn’t it occur to the surgeon that no one in their right mind would want a disproportionate backside? He should have at least sucked fat out of the other while he was at it.

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Tadeus Konopizc, 40, from Zakopane, Poland, was angry because his wife had left him.

It took one bottle of vodka for his rage to make him do the dumbest thing a man can do to himself.

Tadeus Konopizc took a six-inch knife and cut off his genitals, including his testicles.

That’s right. The man no longer has balls. If he wore tight pants, he’d be mistaken for a manly-looking woman.

Realizing he’d made a horrible mistake, Konopizc called doctors to ask for help. A special helicopter rescue team was sent to fly him to Bialystok, a town with surgeons that specialize in sewing back severed organs.

Unfortunately for Konopizc, Mother Nature wasn’t on his side. A heavy fog delayed the helicopter so by the time they got to the hospital, it was too late to reattach his man parts.

Now he has to undergo months of surgery as doctors attempt to rebuild his member using skin from another part of his body.

Ouch.

The fact that he cut off his genitals because his wife left him makes me wonder: did she leave him because he couldn’t perform in the sack?

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Li Jianping 43, of Shishi City, Fujian province, has been growing the nails on his left hand for the past 23 years.

“When I was 20, I read a news report saying an Indian man had let the fingernails on his left hand grow to around one meter. Then I made up my mind to surpass him,” he told the Straits City News.

“Before 1992, my nails were broken twice in accidents: once when I was moving things, the second time by a friend. Each time I had to start over.”

Li, a grocery store owner, admitted that the nails were often inconvenient.

“I never go to crowded places. And during sleep, I have to keep my left wrist under my head to prevent the hand from moving.”

His nails are now one meter long in total after 15 years without accidents.

See a photo here.

I think it’s safe to assume he never gets any… Those things look like they could easily take an eye out, slice a neck and destroy vital organs, all at the same time.

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Robert McClenahan, 38, of Colchester, UK, was in the middle of hot, passionate love-making with his wife when his manhood failed him in the worst way possible.

“We were having sex and he missed and broke his willy,” said his 32-year-old wife, Emma.

The fracture left McClenahan in tremendous pain and when they turned on the light, they discovered his manhood was bent.

The couple went to a hospital right away but McClenahan had to walk around with a bent member for two days before having surgery.

Does this sort of thing happen often? Or does this man have a really weak member?

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Realizing he was driving drunk Thursday evening, 21-year-old, Alexander Craig of Colorado Springs, decided to call the police to come and arrest him.

“He called 911 and said, ‘I’m hammered … come get me’,” said Sergeant Rob Kelley of the Colorado Springs police.

He even gave out his name, a description of his car and clues to his location. After six calls to the police, Craig drove away from his alleged location.

Over the course of three hours, 20 officers were sent to find him but came up short. Craig made about 10 calls to the police to taunt them for not being able to find him.

“He said we need to try harder to find him. He said he couldn’t believe he hasn’t been caught yet,” Sergeant Kelley said.

The man was finally arrested shortly after he drove up to some squad cars and sped off. He ran a red light, drove on the wrong side of the road, pulled over at an Albertson’s parking lot, charged at an officer and got tasered.

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A 45-year old Napier woman called police yesterday morning after she noticed her precious marijuana plants had been stolen from her shed.

“I have had three marijuana plants stolen. They were in buckets,” the woman told a police communications officer, who couldn’t stop smiling as he listened to the crying woman lament over her beloved pot.

“I am a good person. I am sick of these low-lifes stealing my things,” she said, not realizing she was also referring to herself as a low-life.

The woman also told him it was the fourth year in a row that someone had snuck into her property at night and stolen her marijuana plants.

She later got a visit from a cop, who took the details of the burglary and warned her of the legal consequences if she continued growing weed.

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Jared Anderson, 20, of Wisconsin decided he just had to light his genitals on fire after seeing something similar in a movie.

He and Randell Peterson, 43, had been drinking and watching the movie when the brilliant idea came to Anderson.

“People that were there said that after he saw the movie he told people that he wanted to do this — light his genitals and he proceeded to enlist Mr. Peterson’s help in doing so,” Eau Claire County Assistant District Attorney Mike Steuer said on WEAU-TV.

What ensued led to Anderson being hospitalized with burns on his genitals and Peterson being incarcerated.

Peterson sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson’s genitals and attempted to light it on fire. When it didn’t work, Peterson tried a second time and Anderson’s genitals, hands, and clothing caught fire.

Anderson later filed a criminal complaint claiming that he hadn’t wanted to be lit on fire and was attacked.

I guess it’s also a bad idea for people to drink and watch TV.

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Captain America, the main character of the popular Marvel Entertainment comic book, has died in issue 25, which hit stands today.

And all across the world, comic book lovers mourn the loss of a true hero.

He had been leaving a courthouse when a sniper’s bullet struck him in the shoulder, and another in the stomach.

I guess he didn’t have his shield in front of him.

Captain America might still be alive today if he’d had super powers.

It’s surprising that none of his enemies came up with this idea in the 66 years he’s been saving the world..

Series writer Ed Brubaker, 40, told the New York Daily news that he wanted to explore what the hero meant to the country.

“What I found is that all the really hardcore left-wing fans want Cap to be standing out on and giving speeches on the street corner against the Bush administration and all the really right-wing (fans) all want him to be over in the streets of Baghdad, punching out Saddam,” Brubaker said.

Captain America Co-creator, Joe Simon, 93, was disappointed.

“It’s a hell of a time for him to go. We really need him now,” Simon said.

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Belgian antique dealer, Johan Dumon, 62, returned from vacation only to discover that a thief had robbed his home, broken into his store and held a two-day sale.

The store had been closed for three years and yet neighbors didn’t find the sale suspicious!

The thief sold items from Dumon’s home as well as antiques that were worth at least £17,000 (about $32717).

“I can only conclude the burglar was a clever man,” said Dumon. “Instead of dragging it all out of the house he sold it on the spot.”

He must not have been that clever. The witnesses were able to give his description to the police.

Attorney Goedele Van den Brande believes the man will be found soon, but the stolen goods might be impossible to recover since buyers can’t be forced to return them.

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A Welsh woman was arrested after faking her own death to avoid going to court over a speeding ticket.

Glenda Askew, 47, had received a notice from the police after driving 11 miles over the city speed limit in March 2006.

She ignored the notice until she received a summons to court.

According to Prosecutor Bryn Hurford, Askew then filled out the summons using her daughter’s name, Tracey Roberts, stating that her mother had died in a car accident and therefore couldn’t make it to court.

She should have know better.

The judge didn’t think she should be sent to prison so he sentenced her to 12 months of supervision.

I wonder how she’s going to try to get out of this one…

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