October 23, 2017

Archives for March 2007

Students Pull MTV Prank on Classmates

Four students at Sequoya Middle School, New York, put laxatives in donuts and served them to about 18 students and staff member after seeing a similar prank on MTV.

Many ambulances and police department were required at the scene. Some students had to be sent home, while a few ended up in the hospital.

“I don’t think it’s funny,” Superintendent Dr. Charlie Murphy told the WABC-TV.

“We had what must have been 12 police officers respond, a countless number of EMT people in the local area responded, and you’ve disrupted a whole school day. I don’t find anything funny in the situation.”

The superintendent also said disciplinary action would be taken.

What a mean prank. Don’t mess with people’s food!

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Australian Burglars Have Sex in Victim’s Bed

Burglars broke into a house in Darwin, Australia, robbed it and had sex on the homeowner’s bed while the housesitter slept in another bedroom.

They made off with cash and alcohol.

The homeowner, who chose anonymity, had been on vacation at the time.

“[The housesitter had] been out drinking and didn’t hear what was going on,” he said.

“But the evidence of what the thieves got up to before leaving was there for all to see.

“The sheets have been taken away for DNA sampling and I’ve told the police that I don’t want them back.”

That’s just wrong! I guess the burglars get off on robbing people.

It makes you wonder though: were the burglars two females, two males or one female & a male?

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Wife Cuts Off Husband’s Manhood

A Chinese woman was arrested after she cut off her husband’s manhood and threw it out the window.

Yao Fengfang had been jealous and upset because she suspected her husband, Li Gengbao, was having an affair.

She confronted him one night after he came home and threatened to ‘disable’ his manhood. Li didn’t believe she could do it, but around midnight, he woke up due to sharp pain in his crotch region.

He said: “My wife was holding a large part of my penis, and I pleaded with her to send me to hospital immediately, but she refused firmly, and when I pleaded with her to give me back the cut penis, she threw it out of the window.”

Li wrapped his wound with a pillow cover and managed to drive himself to Nanjing City First hospital.

The hospital began emergency surgery and sent staff to find what was left of Li’s manhood.

Unfortunately, the neighbor’s dog got to it first and ate it, so doctors couldn’t reattach Li’s manhood.

Yao ended up with a three-year suspended jail sentence after her husband asked the judge to be lenient. Li said he wanted his wife to keep her freedom so she could take care of him for the rest of his life.

Is this man nuts?

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Dog Performs Heimlich Maneuver on Owner

Debbie Parkhurst, 45, a jewelry artist, had been eating an apple in her home when a piece got stuck in her throat. She attempted the Heimlich maneuver on herself but when it didn’t work, she began pounding on her chest.

Her two-year-old golden retriever, Toby, noticed what was going on and took action.

“The next think I know, Toby’s up on his hind feet and he’s got his front paws on my shoulders,” she said. “He pushed me to the ground, and once I was on my back, he began jumping up and down on my chest.”

According to Parkhurst, the apple piece dislodged and Toby licked her face to prevent her from passing out.

“I literally have pawprint-shaped bruises on my chest. I’m still a little hoarse, but otherwise, I’m OK.

“The doctor said I probably wouldn’t be here without Toby,” said Parkhurst. “I keep looking at him and saying ‘You’re amazing.'”

That’s one clever dog and one lucky lady.

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China Plans to Produce Paper from Panda Poop

Researchers at China’s Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in central-western Sichuan province are planning to join forces with area paper mills in an effort to make use of about two tons of fibrous panda poop dropped everyday.

The researchers got the idea from Thailand, where elephant feces are used to create an array of products, including artificial flowers, gift boxes and photo frames.

“We are not interested in doing this for the profits but to recycle the waste,” Researcher Liao Jun told the Associated Press. “It’s environmentally friendly. We can use the paper ourselves and also we can sell whatever is left over.”

I definitely can’t see myself using paper that came out of a panda’s pooper. They better not use it to create paper plates.

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Swaying Hips is Misbehavior?

Gay police officers in the Philippines have been told not to sway their hips while on duty, otherwise they would get fired.

“If they sway their hips while marching, or if they engage in lustful conduct, I think that will be a ground for separation. If they behave within the norm, I don’t think we’ll have a problem,” said Chief Supt Samuel Pagdilao, who claimed the force did not discriminate.

This sounds like a bad case of homophobia. As long as it’s not affecting their job performance, gay officers should be allowed to sway all they want.

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Man Gets Pizza Tattoo on Head

Colin Helsby, of north Wales, has had a slice of ham and pineapple pizza tattooed on the back of his head in order to raise money for a cystic fibrosis charity and to celebrate the opening of his new pizza shop.

The tattoo shows three types of ham, chunks of pizza, and strands of cheese dripping down his neck, and took three hours to complete.

See Photo.

Pizza is probably the worst food to have tattooed on your body. His head looks like a greasy mess.

The 45-year-old told reporters: “I’m really pleased with it, and I’ll keep my head shaved at the back for a few weeks to show it off.”

The tattooist, Blane Dickinson, tattooed a full English breakfast on top of a man’s head last month.

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You Can Enjoy Great Sex in the Afterlife?

Chinese cemeteries are selling paper replicas of Viagra pills, images of condoms, and heavily made-up bar girls for people to burn for dead relatives so they can have great sex in the afterlife.

Authorities have attempted to prevent the sales, but have been unsuccessful thanks to high demand due to the upcoming annual Tombsweeping Festival on April 5.

I find this fascinating, but I highly doubt dead people are concerned about getting it up or sexual protection.

Chinese have traditionally burned fake money in honour of dead relatives during the festival, when families clean their ancestors’ tombs and graves.

They believe the wealth will accrue to their ancestors in the afterlife.

But China’s move toward a more consumer-oriented society has seen new offerings including paper televisions, cellphones, cars and other luxury items.

There was no word as to whether paper replicas of sex toys were being sold.

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Student Puts Urine in Teacher’s Coffee

An eighth grade student at Wilson Middle School thought it’d be funny to put urine in his teacher’s coffee pot.

The teacher was fortunate that the boy’s urine smelled foul and reported the smelly coffee to the principal.

A student who had overhead classmates talking about the incident also reported it to officials.

The issue was investigated and authorities were led to check the eighth-grade boy’s locker where they discovered urine.

He admitted to putting some into the teacher’s coffee and has been suspended pending a recommendation for expulsion.

“This type of student behavior will not be tolerated,” Principal DiLynn Phelps and Superintendent Marlin B. Creasy wrote in a letter to parents. “No student will be permitted to deliberately attempt to cause bodily harm to any other student, teacher or staff member.”

I can’t believe the boy was dumb enough to leave urine in his locker. I guess he had other plans for it.

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Chinese Man Gives Up Cheekbones to Save Wife

Lang Qiang recently had surgery to reduce his protruding cheekbones because fortune-tellers had told him that because of them, his wife would die before him.

The 48-year old man of Chongqing city, said: “I believe it without any doubt. Misfortunes are always happening to my wife, while I have none.

“For example, every morning, we need to go downstairs to pick up the bottled milk. I’ve never had a problem, but my wife fell and fractured her legs going down the stairs.

“Another time I stood on a bench to hang a cloth. Then my wife stood on it, and the bench broke.”

There was no word as to whether his wife is a fatty.

“I always feel sorry for my wife and want to do something to make things up,” Lang said. “I told my wife I would go on a business trip for more than 10 days. I want to give her a surprise.”

I wonder how he’ll react when she continues to have bad luck…

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