Archive for February, 2007

Austria - A primary school teacher might be fired for giving a class of nine-year-olds swear lessons.

Michael Brechter, 57, gave his students an assignment that involved using an array of swear words including, arse, moron, tart, and sh*t.

“I was not teaching them anything they did not already know,” he said.

His excuse?

“It was an attempt to make school lively and fun. My ultimate aim was to show what words should not be used.”

Note to teacher: Don’t make cuss words lively and fun if you don’t want nine-year-olds using them.

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ScottsDale, Arizona - A Desert Arroyo Middle School student spotted someone dressed as Batman run across the school, jump over a fence and vanish into the desert, Wednesday.

The school, as well as two others in the north Phoenix suburb of Cave Creek, was placed on lockdown for about 45 minutes as the police searched the desert for the bat.

He still remains at large.

This isn’t really surprising as Batman has a history of easily escaping from the authorities.

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Jorge Alberto Mejia crashed his wife’s new car Saturday while heading to a casino in Sonoma County, California. Instead of doing what a guilty husband should do (buy her some flowers, make her feel special, give her a night to remember, you know - make her remember that she really really loves him before confessing), he created an elaborate tale to avoid her wrath.

The 35-year-old man told the cops that two kidnappers had held him at gunpoint at a San Rafael bar on Saturday. They had forced him to drive to Santa Rosa, California and in order to escape he had to crash the car into a wall.

When the police questioned him further Monday, Mejia confessed that he’d made up the whole thing including the detailed descriptions of his fake kidnappers.

Mejia may now face criminal charges for making a false report.

This is something I’d expect a teenager to do, not a husband!

I wonder if she beats him.

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Physicians and scientists at RYT Hospital have used in vitro fertilization techniques to induce an ectopic pregnancy for Mr. Lee Mingwei, an artist who lives in Manhattan.

The physicians had to give him orals doses of female hormones to increase his chances of becoming pregnant. They then implanted an embryo and placenta into the abdominal cavity, under the surrounding lining.

The duration of the pregnancy has so far been normal. Mr. Lee has the belly of a pregnant woman and looks to be ready to ‘give birth’ in four months or so.

As expected, the baby will be born by Caesarian section. It sure can’t come out through his pee hole or poop shoot.

In an interview, Mr. Lee said: “A lot of people have cast this endeavor as something terribly monstrous – a startling example of how science and medicine have simply gone too far. From my perspective, however, I am simply bringing a child into this world. There is nothing more natural and beautiful on this earth than that. This is something that I’ve always wanted to do.”

Is this a case of a woman stuck in a man’s body gone too far?

Visit the website for more details, pictures and clips.

You know you’re a drug addict when you knowingly snort crack in front of a classroom you’re supposed to be teaching.

59-year old Joan Donatelli was arrested after two girls, ages nine and ten, reported that their substitute teacher had been dipping a pen cap into a small plastic bag of white powder and then putting the pen lid to her nose.

Police searched the classroom and discovered traces of white powder.

Donatelli confessed to the crime after they confronted her at her home.

“She stated that she had a problem, that she had an addiction, something she’s been struggling with,” said Sergeant Frank Previte, of the Lewiston, NY police.

Donatelli had previously been a full-time teacher at the school. If she hadn’t retired, as of 2004, she would have been involved in the school’s drug education curriculum.

She probably assumed the kids wouldn’t know what she was doing.

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A Russian man has divorced his wife of 18 years because he found out she’d been feeding him cheap pumpkins for six months.

Ivan Dimitrov, 47, discovered that his wife had been feeding him pies made of pumpkins instead of courgettes when he found pumpkin rinds in their trash can.

He was so upset about it that he immediately hired a lawyer for a quick divorce from his 38-year old wife, Irena.

He said: “She knows I absolutely hate pumpkins and she lied to me for months about it just because the pumpkins were cheap.

“What else has she been lying about? What man could trust a woman who fed him pumpkins for half a year?”

A man who loves his wife? She was probably just trying to save some money.

People divorce for silly reasons these days. I mean, 18 years of marriage given up over 6 months of pumpkins?

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SOFIA, Bulgaria, Feb. 8 (UPI) — A city-run bus company is showing dirty movies on monitors at bus stops to help commuters in the Bulgarian capital while away the wait after midnight.

This is a bad idea for so many reasons!

An official at the transportation company in Sofia said the company wanted to entertain passengers as they wait for buses.

There’s nothing entertaining about catching the guy next to you touching himself.

Erotic movies are being shown only late at night when there is little chance children are on the streets, he said.

Some Sofia residents praised the new service while others said it brings shame on the city.

Some Bulgarians complained security in Sofia has been reduced as police officers prefer to watch pornographic films instead of chasing criminals, the report said.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to turn on the perverts that ride the bus at night. Criminals could start hanging around bus stops just to catch free porn. Sex crimes will probably increase! What were they thinking?

Comedy>Porn.

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British call center, BT has revealed some of the funniest IT support calls they’re received. Check them out below!

1. Customer: ‘My mouse mat isn’t wired up’
Advisor: ‘I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any wires.’
Customer: “well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?”

2. Advisor: “Press any key to continue.”
Customer: “I can’t find the ‘Any’ key.”

3. Customer: “I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don’t want my wife to think that it’s me.”
Advisor: “I will remove them for you.”
Customer: “How do I get them back when she is not in?”

4. Customer: “I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?”

5. Advisor: “You have spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.”
Customer: “Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?”

Continue Reading »
Funny Tech Support Calls

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a package wrapped in red bows and pink tissue paper containing a note that says ‘I love you’ and the severed head of a kitten!

30 Year old Benjamin Gregory of Pittsburgh was arrested Friday after leaving said package at his ex-girlfriend’s doorstep. He is being charged for stalking and animal cruelty.

Katie Waters, a humane officer investigating the case, said: ‘We have been unable to determine where the kitten came from. It definitely did not belong to the victim.’ She also doubted that the kitten, which was black and between 3 and 4 months old, belonged to Gregory.

‘This has been an extremely difficult case to work on,’ she added.

Gregory is due to appear in court on Thursday.

The only thing that could have made this present any more perfect is if he had waited until Valentine’s day.

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Talk about odd inventions, a US lingerie has created underwear that blocks the smell of farts.

Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool to absorb odour.

The underpants are made from air-tight fabric and are completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs to prevent any gas escaping.

Under-Tec inventor Buck Weimer said: “Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas.

“We get a lot of jokes - but we don’t doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.”

The pants are machine washable and the filters can last as long as several months, depending on the frequency of use and laundering.

Where were they when this woman needed it.

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